He's Gone
by LyssaMarie27
Summary: With L in his arms dying, Light recounts their history together and where it all went wrong. Saying goodbye to your only love is hard, but knowing you will join them again soon is at least some comfort. There is more of a challenge waiting for Light in dealing with the consequences of his actions than he ever expected. NO LONGER A ONESHOT.


**A/N:** Well this happens to be my first Death Note fanfic, and I rather like it honestly. I wrote this a while ago and posted it on my old account which is now deleted (the story was deleted, not my account). It may not be the most well written thing ever, but I still like the idea behind it. The characters are a tad OOC, but the idea behind that is just that both would behave differently around the one they love then they would around others. So yeah… Well anyways, on with the story I guess. Please just leave a review and let me know what you think. It would be very much appreciated if you did. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the read : )

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note

**Warnings: **Slash, rated M for a reason, character death.

They say your whole life flashes before your eyes right before you die. While I usually hate cliché sayings such as this one, it really does seem appropriate for the current situation. Well, to clarify, it's not me dying. It's the man I'm holding in my arms right now, the man I love, the man I just murdered.

I look down and see his eyes begin to close as death embraces him, and in some sick, twisted way it takes me back to another time. In my mind I see his eyes partly lidded in the same way as now while he looks down at me. I'm on my knees looking back up at him, seduction and lust clouding my mind.

It has happened so many times, I can't remember when this particular memory occurred. His hands are in my hair, trying to guide my mouth to his waiting member. I resist; he knows I don't appreciate it when he pushes me like that. He finally recedes, so I finally begin.

My hands move to his hips, holding him in place, while I barely lick at his slit. Then finally I take his head into my mouth. I suck hard and hear him moan, also having to hold his hips back harder as he is trying to thrust into my mouth. I take him in deeper, sweeping my tongue all around his dick.

He is starting to breathe harder, and I can hear him moaning out my name. Hearing him say my name like that turns me on so much. Relaxing my mouth, I begin to deep throat him. He gasps out, and despite my grip on his hips, I can't stop him from thrusting into my mouth when I swallow around his dick.

I can hear him mumbling out my name over and over again as well as a few curses here and there. Making him lose control like this is what I love doing more than anything. It shows me that he is mine. No one else has this kind of power over him.

While still gripping onto his hips with one hand, I reach down with the other and begin to massage his balls. He completely loses it and yells out. This is a good sign; I know he is close. I continue to fondle his balls while I moan around his dick, taking him all the way in. My mouth is moving up and down his dick over and over again, and I know he will explode any moment now.

His hands go back into my hair, his fingers curling and grabbing at my locks. This I don't mind, as long as he is not trying to force himself into me. I can hear him cursing louder now, and then I hear my name again. He tries to form a coherent sentence, warning me that he is about to cum.

He can't really speak clearly, but I get the message. All of his muscles tense up, and then it's over. His seed shoots into my mouth, multiple spurts hitting the back of my mouth. I let go after I have swallowed it all and then look up at him.

In my mind once again, I see his eyes half lidded as he looks at me. In his beautiful dark eyes, I remember his love for me shining through. His eyes are filled with different emotions now. They lock with mine, and all I see is fear. He may have hinted at acceptance of his fate previously, but actually being in the throes of death is a different matter.

If he had not already broken my heart, the fear and innocence in his gaze would do it. Even now, after all the hurt and rejection I still feel the need to protect and comfort him. My arms tighten around him, and I can feel tears beginning to flow over on to my cheeks.

I gave him a choice. It didn't have to end this way. Right now we could be away from this place, happy and together. But no; he had chosen what he called justice over me, the man who loved him, the man who he even admitted was the only one to ever understand and love him.

It was just the other night, right after we had made love. I knew he turned off the cameras any time we had sex because we didn't want the team to know, so I figured it would be safe to tell him. I told him everything: the book, how I found it, Ryuk, how I did it, why I did it.

I knew I shouldn't, but I was sick and tired of hiding from the one I loved. I remember as I told him, he just kept looking at me. He never said a word, his face never changed. He just kept looking into my eyes. His face did hold a little bit of surprise though, when I told him of my final plan.

I was giving it up. I was too tired of continually maintaining my façade. His eyes seemed to water just a little as I told him I was giving up the book. With him by my side, I would throw it in the fire and watch with glee as it burned. And then we could leave.

I had everything prepared. I had been setting money aside, even taking some from the companies and people we investigated. I had enough that we could go absolutely anywhere in the world and live a more than comfortable life together. Honestly I didn't care about the money; I just wanted to be able to maintain the life my lover was accustomed to. All I cared about was that it was just us, together and happy.

When I told him he just had to say when and where, he still just laid there looking at me. He asked me how long I had been planning this along with a few other questions. After answering them all, he just let out a sigh.

He reached over, his fingers barely running along my cheek. He moved closer to me, whispering that he loved me. I pulled him closer to me, telling him that I loved him as well. After that he leaned over and kissed me. It started as a slow, beautiful kiss but quickly changed to a deep, heated, passionate kiss. I moaned and wrapped my arms around him.

He reciprocated my actions, and his hands began to move everywhere on my body. My whole body was consumed with the love I had for this man. He was my everything. I could feel him beginning to harden once again as he moved so he was lying on top of me. I couldn't stand it. I needed him again; I needed him so badly.

I rolled over so I was on top of him and moved down to kiss his neck. Because we had just had sex I didn't take the time to prep him. I reached over to the night stand to grab the bottle of lube and quickly coated my dick with it.

He looked up at me, telling me to hurry up and put it in. His eyes were so full of need, possibly even more than mine. Not being one to disappoint, I quickly lined up with his hole. Before plunging in, I grabbed his legs, pulling the up and resting them against my shoulders.

I looked him in the eye for a moment and told him one last time I loved him. Then I thrust all the way into him. His back arched, and he screamed out my name. Simultaneously I was moaning. It always amazed me just how tight he was no matter how many times I had stretched him from having sex.

I kept thrusting into him hard and fast. There was no way I could control myself when I was inside him like this. It was just too good. One of my hands reached up and played with his nipple while the other started fisting his dick at the same I thrust into him. He looked just as lost in the moment as I felt, and it made me feel so good that I could do this to him.

His body was flailing against the mattress, and it was a beautiful sight. I could feel myself getting closer, and I began to speed up. This was one of the best times I had ever had sex. There just seemed to be so much more emotion behind it than usual. The more I thought about my love for him, the harder I went into him, and he just yelled louder, his eyes clouding over in obvious pleasure.

He was trying to speak in the middle of his moans and yells, again letting me know that he was close to cumming. As if I didn't already know. He yelled out one last time as his cum shot out, coating my hand as well as his stomach and chest. It's such a beautiful sight, and as I felt his already tight hole clamp down even harder around me I gave into my need and came inside him.

I collapsed on top of my lover after I pulled out of him. My head was resting against his shoulder, and I leaned slightly to place a kiss against his neck. Again I told him I loved him, and he replied saying he loved me as well. I tried to ask him where he might want to go, but he just told me to rest. We could talk about it later.

I rolled off of him but stayed at his side, still resting against him. Closing my eyes, I slowly went to sleep as I felt his hand running through his hair. I slept so well that night, my dreams full of thoughts of where he and I might go.

The next morning I had woken up alone, my love nowhere in sight. I stretched and looked over at the digital clock, and I could not believe how much I had slept in. It was 9 a.m. I stretched one more time before I sat up and ran a hand through my bed hair.

It really was odd that he wasn't here with me. Looking around I noticed there was a folded piece of paper on his pillow. I had curiously reached for it and opened it. The minute I read it, I realized everything had gone wrong.

_My Dearest Love,_

_Before I say anything, I just want to tell you again that I love you. With everything you have told me I still love you. And what I'm about to say kills me, but I have no choice. My whole life, all I have done is make sure justice prevails and criminals put to a stop. As odd as it sounds even to myself, I understand why you did what you did and how you saw it as just. As you know, many people agree with you and your methods as well. But for you to ask me to go against everything I have ever known and just forget everything once we have left… No matter how much I love you, it's just not something I can do. With that said, I will give you three days. In that time you can either turn yourself in, run away or destroy all of the evidence and just keep living the life you have. Saying that, we both know which option you will take. But let me say this: all of the evidence means _all_ of the evidence. And that includes me. You told me everything, and I will turn you in at the end of these three days unless you stop me. It's not because I don't love you. It's because I can't NOT do what's what is legally right and just. I wish I could go with you so much and follow through with your plan. But I can't focus on what can't be. Just remember that I love you. And no matter what you do in the next few days that will not change. Whichever way you choose I know soon we won't be able to see each other again. So now I have only to look forward to the afterlife, where if I have any kind of luck, I will be able to meet you again._

_Yours forever_

That letter had ruined everything. The next two days had been absolute hell. Or at least, so I had thought. Now as I hold him in my arms, watching his eyes close for the last time, I am sure this is the worst kind of hell. But I have another plan.

With my new plan I know I will be seeing my love again very soon. Once everything is set in order, I will become just another victim of that book. But I don't think about that now. All I think about is the beautiful man in my arms. Is it just my imagination or is that still love I see in his eyes? I hope he can see the love I have in mine.

I lean down quickly and try to whisper to him letting him know I will be following soon. I don't know if he was able to hear it. Finally his eyes close entirely. I look down at disbelief. The only person I have ever loved is dead. He's dead. And I'm the one who murdered him.

I can't stop the tears. I know I will see him again soon, but right now he's gone. I look at his face. He looks as if he is in peace. Maybe he heard what I tried to tell him in the end. I hope he did. And I hope he will be right there waiting for me when I arrive.

But right now all I can think is that he is dead. I hold him tighter to me, and I throw my head back yelling at the top of my lungs. All my misery, my pain, my loneliness is in that cry. I want my love back. No matter how soon I can go to him it won't be soon enough.

Others are running towards us now. Some are crying like myself or trying hard to hide their tears. Why are they crying? They didn't know him like I did. They have no right to cry. I just ignore them, holding his limp body closer to my own. My tears mark his white shirt.

He is so beautiful, even in death. A Shakespearean line comes to mind. Something about death sucking the honey of his breath but not being able to touch his beauty. But I won't take the time to recite. My mind is too filled with grief to care. I can't stand it in here.

I get up, having to leave this place. I run out of the room not looking back at his body. I can't. I just have to go. I think someone is calling my name, but I just keep running. Nothing is right anymore with him gone. Maybe I shouldn't wait to go through with my plan. If I take a gun right now, I could end it so easily.

But no I can't do that. I have to finish this, if for no other reason than for him. He will not die for nothing. I will finish this, and then I will join him. I will see my beloved again.

**A/N:** Well that's it, and I hope you liked it. As it is, this is a one shot, but I kinda have an idea to make it a two shot if so inclined. So once again I would like to ask you to please leave a review and let me know what you think. Thank you : )


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